01/08/02

Today was just a plain average day, not happy and not too depressing. I'm working on the asshole bit but I'm not coming along so well. Soon I'm either going to just accept the fact that I'm an asshole or I'm going to become a really quiet person. I wonder which way everyone will like me more. Anyways, the only noteworthy thing about today was a discussion we had in religion class. Once again it was based on our future, but the intriguing question was "what are your greatest fears?" Obviously I couldn't blurt out all my fears because high school teenagers, for the most part, aren't mature enough to respect other people and their views and beliefs. The fear I have, which i expressed in class, is that I am scared of what is to become of me in a professional state. I don't want to get trapped in a career which I'm not happy with, sure the money is nice, but I'm beginning to think that I would rather be happy. I hope that I am smart enough to accomplish both with one career. But my biggest fear is that I will end up alone and not be accepted because of who or what I really am. I hope that I can stop hiding one day and live my life completely without fears, secrets, or regrets. I am afraid that if I don't change my asshole personality, that I may just end up lonely, so my new years resolution is to become a responsible and more caring guy. In other words...im gonna change. You can hold me to that.