02/21/02

Mom and I have a really good relationship, or so I think. I tell her just about everything. Well to get to my point, I think I have come to the point where it would be best if "Momma doesn't know." Ever since I told her about Nathan, she makes all these bad comments and she hurts my feelings. I don't see why she can't just understand that I'm gay and that I'm happy. She should just be happy for me, for the fact that I'm happy. She complained about me being on the phone all night last night. As if it was a big deal before she knew about him. Then this morning when he called to wish me a good day, Mom made some wisecrack about him calling so much, she said in an exasperated tone, "this is ridiculous!" She had automatically assumed it was him and she made some mean remark about him calling. After, I told a small lie and told her it was the wrong number, she tried to hide what she said. She was trying to cover her remarks up by giving me some shitty line about it being rude to call someone's house before 8:00 in the morning. I told her that I thought it was alright if people know your hours and want to catch you before you leave. Anyways, other than my phone call this morning I haven't heard anything from Mom. At school everyone was talking about prom and limos and who's going with who. Honestly, I want to go in a limo but I'm not sure who I want to go with. Cathy is a good friend but I don't really want to go with her again. What I'd really like to do is take Nathan but because of Dad I can't do that. So I'll probably go with Cathy and try to have as much fun as possible. On another note, it seems like our circle is breaking up. Ron is changing big time and it's for the worse. He's mad at white people and he's mad at school. He now says that he doesn't even want to go to prom now because he doesn't want to go with someone that's just a friend. Or he says, he doesn't want to go with some ugly white girl. I tried to convince him otherwise and that he should go just because it is senior prom but I don't know how much I influenced him. I kind of know how he feels. He's upset because he can't find a girl that he likes or that likes him. I was in that boat a little while ago and I know how depressed it makes you and how bad it makes things seem. Shit, after tomorrow night, if things don't go well, I might end up right back where I started. I just hope I have fun tomorrow and that Nathan and I connect well. Let's take it one day and date at a time. He still seems to be incredibly cute, everything he does too. Hopefully after the first date I will find him even more adorable and he, I. Well I can't wait until tomorrow.