02/06/02

Today was weird because we had no power at school until 1:15pm. All day we ran around trying our best to make the day go over smoothly. I , personally, just sat in class and did nothing. I was thinking. About what, I don't remember, but I'm sure it was significant because everything I think about always is. So I made it through the day and lunch was cold and shitty. At the end of the day Ron kind of upset me because we were supposed to work out together and he blew me off. One minute he was there saying okay, the next minute I turn around and his car is gone. So I sit and talk to Cathy for a while, it wasn't real interesting because she seems to always have something better to do. I don't know but it kind of seems like she is trying to distance herself from me. It seems that lately she doesn't have time for me, or when she is around me she always ignores me. As I was talking to her today, I let it slip that I had met a guy, which is technically true, we just haven't met in person yet. Anyways, she was like, "oh god, do I wanna know?" It was like she didn't care. She can't even be happy to know that I am trying to enjoy myself. I don't think she realizes how important she is to me. I need her. Without her, I would go insane. She is my shoulder to lean on and it seems lately that she doesn't want me leaning on her. It kind of upsets me to feel not wanted by her. She is, to me, the only non-family person who seems to care about me and wants me to be healthy and happy. I crave attention and love, I need someone to want me and call me 24/7 and love me. I'm desperately in need of being liked and loved. I need to be the center of someone's universe. I used to be that way for Cathy, but I'm losing her and I need to fill in someone else's center. I'm lonely and I need to remedy that soon. I'm looking for a sweet person to love me, I don't need an asshole or a bitch. Please help me.