01/17/02

Hey, I didn't write yesterday because I was too caught up in my music and when I looked at the clock it was time for me to go to bed. Besides, after that long entry on tuesday I figured I could at least skip one day. Well today started off as a shitty day. I woke up and almost immediately picked a fight with Therese. Then mom hopped into it on Therese's side. I was so mad and upset I had to cool off in my room for a few minutes. Then school, which is never fun when it comes to my emotions. After school we worked out with the football team and it seems they are all headed down the correct track. I talked to coach C about college also, he said that if I wanted to play college ball it would be no problem because I have the ability and he has the hook ups. The truth is, I really loved football and the stardom that comes with it and I can go play in college. The only thing is, I have other things I would like to do during and I'm concerned about my sexuality. I'm worried about losing respect from my teammates over it. I already lost respect from my teammates because of the fight with John and I think that might be a big reason why I don't want to play in college. Tonight, I was really surprised though. Therese and I actually sat down and talked for almost an hour. It amazes me to see how open minded she is after growing up in this family full of close-minded people. She enjoyed the conversation and I did too but I had underlying meanings like I always do. We talked about everything from popularity to sex to boys to girls to sexuality to racism. It was all cool and I even found out that she would be cool with my sexuality and that she probably already suspects it. She just won't accept it until I tell her outright. I even thought about telling her but I only hinted because I'm still afraid that even though she wouldn't hate me, she would definitley treat me different. She also has a blabber mouth and I don't need her screaming to everyone "Hey, my brother is gay!" I'm gonna tell people that I care about eventually, but on my time and hopefully they will all accept me and keep my business to themselves.