01/27/02

Am I blinded by sexuality? I always hear how best friends make the best couples. Is it true? I feel so close to Cathy, however, I know I'm gay. She is so close a friend that when she hurts, I also hurt. She knows more about me than my own mother. I'm so confused about it all. I know that she would marry me if I asked, but she knows taht won't happen. If there was one girl I could live with for the rest of my life though, it's her. When she came over today we talked about anything we wanted to. Right now she's got a secret that she wants to tell me, but she's not quite ready yet and just keeping it with her. She knows she can trust me, just like I trust her. We both keep saying that we can not wait until May 25th, and it's so true. We feel taht we can put a lot behind us and be happier. When that day rolls around though, it's going to sink in that our own time together is limited. I'm pretty sure we are going to be headed in different directions and I'm going to miss her so bad. I know we will be lifetime friends though because we've pulled through so much together already, that nothing can hold us back. As I was thinking in church tonight, the thought of how bad my life is flooded into my brain. I don't know why I think that, truth be told I really don't have it that bad. I have a loving family and nice material things too. I also have a very close and intimate friend in Cathy. Not a lot of people have one of those. So I guess I should stop moping about how awful my life is. True, it could be better and I think it will get better, but for the time being, my life is totally liveable. I'm thankful for my teenage years...I'll never forget my life through high school. It's all a few chapters in my book of life and it's influenced who I am today. It will influence who I am tomorrow and it will also play a part in my life in twenty years. I'm not saying high school is or was the best four years of my life, but they weren't too shabby either. I'm coming out of them a little more mature, hehe, a little better looking, wink-wink, a little smarter, a little more sure of who I am, and the best friend anyone can hope for. The only thing lacking is a sweet boyfriend. Oh well, maybe thats what college is for.