02/02/02
wow! what a cool date....onto the entry:
Yesterday was one of those days where the time doesn't seem to move fast enough. I was eager for 2:33pm to finally roll around. I patiently waited on the bell that would signal the end of my longest week in highschool. It never seemed like it was going to end. With the teachers bitchin at me and assigning so much work, plus my friends griping at me, and the fact that I feel like my world is spinning upside down...I thought that this week was going to make my crack. It's tough to sit back and realize that the rest of my life's happiness could all depend on these last few months of highschool. What's worse is that it seems like everything is trying to make the journey shitty for me. I honestly don't know how I do it everyday; the fact that I can appear to be cocky and satisfied and seem that nothing is bothering me is really scary. Mainly because almost everything is bothering me. When I spend all this time alone, I worry myself sick. I worry about my future. My past is evident and my present is right before my eyes. My future however, remains to be one big blurry blob. Right now I couldn't even tell you if I'm going to be out by graduation, like mom says, she thinks I'm getting braver. That may be but I'm still terrified of what the world around me will be like when it happens. I'm happy to think that I may not be single much longer, but I'm worried that people will somehow find out that I'm dating a guy. Anyways...I'm supposed to call him but I always get too nervous to call. I'm scared to interrupt people with the phone when they are doing stuff. I talked to him for almost two hours last night and I felt that we were clicking, but who knows and maybe he doesnt feel that way. I want to meet him sometime in the near future and when I do, I hope he is cool and kind and I also hope that no one finds out. Tonight however, I'm going to sit on my ass because Cathy doesn't want anything to do with me because she hasn't called and it's starting to get late. Maybe I'll go for a drive and calm down and stop trying to analyze my life too much.
Yesterday was one of those days where the time doesn't seem to move fast enough. I was eager for 2:33pm to finally roll around. I patiently waited on the bell that would signal the end of my longest week in highschool. It never seemed like it was going to end. With the teachers bitchin at me and assigning so much work, plus my friends griping at me, and the fact that I feel like my world is spinning upside down...I thought that this week was going to make my crack. It's tough to sit back and realize that the rest of my life's happiness could all depend on these last few months of highschool. What's worse is that it seems like everything is trying to make the journey shitty for me. I honestly don't know how I do it everyday; the fact that I can appear to be cocky and satisfied and seem that nothing is bothering me is really scary. Mainly because almost everything is bothering me. When I spend all this time alone, I worry myself sick. I worry about my future. My past is evident and my present is right before my eyes. My future however, remains to be one big blurry blob. Right now I couldn't even tell you if I'm going to be out by graduation, like mom says, she thinks I'm getting braver. That may be but I'm still terrified of what the world around me will be like when it happens. I'm happy to think that I may not be single much longer, but I'm worried that people will somehow find out that I'm dating a guy. Anyways...I'm supposed to call him but I always get too nervous to call. I'm scared to interrupt people with the phone when they are doing stuff. I talked to him for almost two hours last night and I felt that we were clicking, but who knows and maybe he doesnt feel that way. I want to meet him sometime in the near future and when I do, I hope he is cool and kind and I also hope that no one finds out. Tonight however, I'm going to sit on my ass because Cathy doesn't want anything to do with me because she hasn't called and it's starting to get late. Maybe I'll go for a drive and calm down and stop trying to analyze my life too much.
posted by RPF at 4:16 PM
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