02/03/02

Today was nothing but a day of football. First, I had my football banquet and then it was superbowl sunday, Rams v Patriots. I woke up to thoughts of N. Tucker...I'm thinking that maybe this could turn into a relationship or something...but then, I haven't heard from him since friday night. Anyways, we went to 930 church this morning because we wanted to watch the game tonight. After church we had to get ready for the banquet. The whole family went, along with grandad and we got there early so mom could check up on the caterers. Since we were early, we watched the highlight film, which sucked. It focused mainly on offense and had no music. Just about everyone was there and the coaches did their thing. The guest speaker wasn't super famous, but he did have some good things to say. My favorite topic was about thinking highly of yourself, which is what I do most of the time, especially with football. In fact, I knew that I was going to leave with some kind of award today. At first I thought that both Josh and I were going to get defensive MVPs, but when I saw only one trophy I was scared that maybe Josh would get it. If it wasn't for other people thinking it was Josh also, I would have been totally confident that it was me. I worked my ass off to be defensive MVP and it paid off. I was so happy. Then when it came time for our captains to talk about the coaches, did they? Nope, and all I can say is that it reflects their leadership while playing on the field as well. The coaches chose the captains after a fiveway tie in the team vote...my guess is that the two who got dropped were me and John because of the stupid fight he picked with me...they obviously made bad choices. I got looked over due to the fight, but there is no doubt in my mind that I believed and most everyone else believed in me as their leader on the field, their captain. When I had a bad game, everyone else almost suredly had a bad game and when I played good and had my head in it, everyone else seemed to as well. On the practice field, when I worked hard, the team worked hard. I was a quiet leader...one which lead by example and I led a very divided team to a homecoming wrecking squad with five homecoming wins and five very upsetting losses. In a matter of four years I have come to love football. I enjoyed everything about it, the offseason, the practice and hard work, and the friday night fights. If I were bigger, straight , and didn't have so many other plans in life, there would be no doubt that I would play at Lenoir-Rhyne or Elon or some other non division 1A school. It's just time for me to move on with my life and close the chapter on my football career. There's other parts of me which I need to discover. In fact, I believe that is what college is all about. It's a period of self discovery. It truly is what seperates the men from the boys. I did what I wanted to with football, and that was to end with a bang, and though the bang could have been louder, it was loud enough. After today is over, my football career will be officially over. And though it really hasn't bothered me yet, I know that sometime before the end of next year's season, I will suddenly realize the void left in my heart when it dawns on me that I will never put pads on again.